More hilarious Wikipedia edits, this time from Wal Mart

Here's a list of all the things super sexy retailer Wal Mart wants (or doesn't want?) you to know about their fabulous company!

Old entry: "Wages at Wal-Mart are about 20% less than at other retail stores. Founder [[Sam Walton]] once argued that his company should be exempt from the [[minimum wage]]. (Palast, 121)."

New entry: "The average wage at Wal-Mart is almost double the federal minimum wage (Wal-Mart)."

Old entry: "As of 2004, about 70% of the products sold in Wal-Mart stores have at least a component manufactured in [[China]]."

New entry: "Even today, though, Wal-Mart buys merchandise and services from more than 68,000 U.S suppliers and supports over 3.5 million supplier jobs in the United States."

Deleted entirely: "Sam's Club does not accept any credit card other than its own card and the [[Discover Card]]; [[debit card]]s are generally accepted."

In this entry: "Since [[1997]], investigators have found 250 [[illegal immigrants]] working at Wal-Mart stores. These individuals were employed by custodial services [[subcontractors]] used by Wal-Mart. Many of the janitors worked seven days a week without overtime pay or injury compensation. To settle criminal charges relating to these incidents, Wal-Mart paid $11 million in March 2005 without admitting wrongdoing or liability. Several of the custodial services firms that employed the illegal immigrants pled guilty to criminal charges."

A Wal Mart employee added a clause which read: "There were no charges brought against Wal-Mart or any of its associates."

Old entry (regarding Ann Coulter): "Although often rumoured to be a lesbian, she has dated...."

New entry: "She has dated...."

So basically, Wal Mart wants you to know that although they don't pay their employees shit, they still pay more than minimum wage! They'd also like you to know that although 70% of the products they sell are nothing but cheap plastic crap they import from sweatshops in China, they also buy cheap shit from 68,000 U.S. suppliers. They'd also like to share with you that although they are supported by right-wing, urban sprawl loving zealots, that they still employee illegal immigrants, and then pay $11 million to cover that up. Oh and, they love Ann Coulter too!

Fox News, DCCC, Vatican caught screwing up Wikipedia!

So Wikipedia has implemented some sort of spy machine sort of like the one the government (or more specifically, the NSA) uses to spy on Americans. Except this time, it's catching some pretty stupid employees at Fox News, the DCCC, the CIA, and even the Vatican in some pretty hilarious acts of vandalism!

The new Wikipedia scanner thing has revealed what we pretty much always suspected: The world’s political, religious and media leaders are about seven years old, on average. By matching anonymous edits to Wikipedia entries back to the office computers where they originated, the scanner is able to match up particular changes to particular organizations. For example:

Somebody at the CIA repeatedly added “Wahhhh!” to the profile of Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.

The CIA also made some helpful edits to, uhm, Oprah Winfrey’s profile.

At the Vatican, they fucked with the entry about the Catholic Sinn Fein leader Gerry Adams, removing “links to newspaper stories written in 2006 that alleged that Adams’s finger prints and hand prints were found on a car used during a double murder in 1971.”

Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee computers added color commentary to the Rush Limbaugh profile, describing him as an idiot, racist and bigot, while noting this about his listeners: “Most of them are legally retarded.”

Diebold employees removed references to Diebold CEO Walden O’Dell being a loyal stooge of the Bush Administration.

People at Fox News fucked with Al Franken’s profile.

Fox News staffers also “de-loofahed Bill O’ Reilly, posted false information about the ratings of Fox News shows, accused Keith Olbermann of making light of Peter Jennings’ death and deleted rating info for MSNBC programs.”

Somebody at the NYT added the very clever insult “jerk” to Bush Junior’s entry, while others are editing the Wall Street Journal’s entry for some reason.

A computer at the New York Times was also used to call Tom DeLay a “grand dragon,” which is pretty good but not quite as good as Robert Byrd’s actual title, “Exalted Cyclops.”

[h/t Wonkette]

UPDATE: More sexy Wikipedia edits! Via Ana Marie Cox:

Condoleezza Rice trained to become a "concert penis"? That's Gutfeld territory, people. (Maybe they meant Mr. Penis...)

Brad Pitt + Albert Einstein = Dick Cheney

No, he wasn't kidding:

Matt Groenig, on The Daily Show, just said that he has been forbidden from running snarky faux news-tickers on The Simpsons in the future, "because FOX viewers might confuse it with real news."

The examples he used included "Brad Pitt + Albert Einstein = Dick Cheney" and "Rupert Murdoch is a good dancer."

UPDATE: Okay, so in trying to find a video, I found some more funny quotes from the fake Fox ticker:

"Do Democrats cause cancer? Find out at Foxnews.com. ... Rupert Murdoch: Terrific Dancer. ... Dow down 5000 points. ... Study: 92 percent of Democrats are gay. ... JFK posthumously joins Republican Party. ... Oil slicks found to keep seals young, supple. ... Dan Quayle: Awesome."

And here's the video:

George Bush requires a personal oath of loyalty?

BURN!
Patrick Leahy: And then you said, I took an oath to the President, and I take that oath very seriously. Did you mean, perhaps, you took an oath to the Constitution?

Sara Taylor: Uh, I, uh, yes, you're correct, I took an oath to the Constitution. Uh, but, what--

Leahy: Did you take a second oath to the President?

Taylor: I did not. I--

Leahy: So the answer was incorrect.

Taylor: The answer was incorrect. What I should have said is that, I took an oath, I took that oath seriously. And I believe that taking that oath means that I need to respect, and do respect, my service to the President.

Leahy: No, the oath says that you take an oath to uphold and protect the Constitution of the United States. That is your paramount duty. I know that the President refers to the government being his government -- it's not. It's the government of the people of America. Your oath is not to uphold the President, nor is mine to uphold the Senate. My oath, like your oath, is to uphold the Constitution.

David Vitter visits the whorehouse, talks to God

This is why homosexuals in this country aren't allowed to get married. Because it would take all the thrill out of breaking the code of "family values" for the Republicans!

U.S. Sen. David Vitter (R-La.) acknowledged Monday night that his number appears on telephone records of the alleged DC Madam, Deborah Jeane Palfrey, and issued a statement of apology.

“This was a very serious sin in my past for which I am, of course, completely responsible,” Vitter said.

Not only that, but he also speaks to Jesus (and apparently gets replies) just like Dubya!!!

“Several years ago, I asked for and received forgiveness from God and my wife in confession and marriage counseling. Out of respect for my family, I will keep my discussion of the matter there -- with God and them. But I certainly offer my deep and sincere apologies to all I have disappointed and let down in any way.”

So, why do some people still vote for someone who talks to something (and gets answers in reply) from something that isn't there?